11.21.2013 / Blog Posts
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Talking now can save heartaches and headaches later
"How will we manage the bills while Dad is in assisted living?"
"Have you designated a durable power of attorney?"
"Where does Mom keep her will?"
"Has anybody found the key to the safe deposit box?"
“Does anyone know the code to opening the garage door? We can’t sell the house without it.”
Is there ever an ideal time to discuss important matters with family members? When a family member wants to discuss topics like the ones above, the most likely response is "You're right it's important, but now’s not a good time. Let's talk later." But with busy schedules and multiple priorities, let’s face it: Sometimes "later" never comes. And then it may be too late.
What can we do?
Holidays are often a good time to at least broach the topic with other family members. More often than not, the conversation will be put off to a later date, but if you open the door and keep the resolve to have a full discussion it can save a lot of headaches and potential heartaches.
The fact is, anytime is a good time to discuss important issues – and right now is even better. There are many advantages to talking about important family matters as soon as possible, including:
- People can explain their decisions and concerns about their estate plans, and keep their loved ones in the loop.
- Family members can express their thoughts and concerns.
- Discussions like these can strengthen family bonds, bringing the people you love closer together, and avoiding misunderstandings.
- It can offer everyone involved greater peace of mind and clarity about future And don't just do it once. Try to keep the conversation going and review decisions on an annual basis - or whatever time frame is most appropriate for your family’s circumstances. And – thanks to technology - family members don't have to even be in the same room, or even continent, anymore. E-mail, text, Skype, Web chat, Facetime – whatever helps keep the dialogue going. But sometimes just a face to face talk with an aging parent or spouse can help put planning in motion.
Family Matters: A Checklist
Here’s a recommended list of topics to cover - feel free to copy and use it at your family meeting, adding items as needed.
Adult family members might be encouraged to review it before an initial conversation, and then use each item as a platform for discussion. Think of it as a conversation starter:
1. Do I have an updated will? (Attorneys usually recommend that all adults have one, not just senior family members.) *
2. Are there specific family heirlooms I would like to give to a specific family member (or something special you would like to receive some day?) These decisions can be included in your will.*
3. Do I have guardians for minor children? *
4. Do I have a durable power of attorney? *
5. Do I have a living will and medical power of attorney? You have a legal right to specify the level of care you wish to receive if you are incapacitated. Most of all, you can designate the individuals responsible for making such decisions.*
6. Are my life insurance, pension, IRA and annuity beneficiary designations current?
7. Are all my important documents in one place, such as a safe deposit box? Are designated family members' names on the signature card?
8. Do I have a list of important information available? This might include: bank and other account numbers, life insurance policies, retirement accounts, and other assets, as well as the names and contact information of your attorney, accountant, New York Life agent, and other professionals.
9. Do I need to contact my attorney to update my will, or my New York Life agent to review my life insurance and other financial concerns?
This material is for informational purposes only, neither New York Life nor its agents provide legal advice. Please consult your own professional for legal advice.
By Jane S. Conti, Vice President; New York Life Insurance
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